I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
