She is in my trunk
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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