Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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