I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
