its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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