when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
