he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
