I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
