I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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