I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
