The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
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