My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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