Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
