dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
