After last night, I could never be a politician.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
