I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
