Little spoons don't ask big questions
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
