It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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