dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
