They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
