it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
