If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
