Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
