Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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