things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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