I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies