wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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