At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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