He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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