i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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