she looked like the before picture.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
