wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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