We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
