I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
