I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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