Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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