Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
whose parrot is this?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
