is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
