I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
