Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Randomize
