Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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