i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Everything about him screamed your future.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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