God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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