Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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