just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
