She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
