Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize