I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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