ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
