My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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