Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
