Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
