OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Are my feet made of real feet?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
