my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
