I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
