Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
