throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
