I can't watch pbs sober anymore
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize