I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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