feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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