My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
