So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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