I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Mom said you looked used
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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